The popular children superhero show, Kamen Rider Wizard, faced harsh criticism from Japanese parents today when it was found that children obesity rates in Japan have gone up 3000%. Local researchers blame this problem on the show's main characters who subsist on a diet of nothing but doughnuts. The show features a skinny boy in tight jeans, a model in a svelte gray suit, and a child man who never get fat, despite their lack of proper nutritional intake.
We took our crew to a local school yard to ask chubby boy why his diet was exclusively doughnuts. His reply: "Supersize Me was an amusing film, but the premise of a man eating nothing but McDonalds to the point of being detriment of his own health strained the limits of credulity. Lo, what cruel fates that my perchance for ring-shaped baked goods has doomed me to a lifestyle of insulin shots and constant self-regulation."
To get a foreigner's opinion, we asked a man of African descent staying in Japan about his thoughts on the matter. Unfortunately, he only got out a, "Motherfucker bitches," before smashing a car and changing into a panther, disappearing into the night. Unfortunately, no members of the staff speak Ebonics, so no translation of the statement is ready at the time of this publication.